Tulane College Bowl Lexicon

Disclaimer (sort of):
This lexicon contains many inside jokes, some of which contain bad language and other fun stuff. Just know in advance that all this is in jest, so if the potty mouth humor makes you angry, then please, don't read it. It's not that we don't want you to, mind you, it's just that we don't really want to hear any complaints about it.

"_____ of the apocalypse" - (n.)  To be the ultimate of something.  Ex. Quiz Bowl Slut of the Apocalypse, Jesus Hat of the Apocalypse . . .

asshat (n.) - Any one of the many Tulane students who disgust Adam Kijowski.

Bizarre Quiz Bowl Love Pentangle (n.) - Term used to refer to the vaguely daytime tv-esqe nature and obscene number of inner team Quiz bowl hook-ups.   Can be used for messed up relationships of any size, as the first BQBLP was never a real pentangle anyway.  Slightly antiquated, as the original BQBLP is no longer in existence, as well as moderately redundant, as QB hook ups are in their very nature bizarre.

Buzzer System - 1. (n.) A tournament coupon with buttons and lights.  2. (adj.) Broken. 3. (adj.) To be "not all there".  Also abbreviated to "buzzer".  Ex. "You expect money from the university?  What are you, buzzer?"  Often confused with "buzzed", which has much the same effect.

Circumcision - 1. (n.) A subject which seems to make all of the Jewish males on our team moderately uncomfortable.  2. (n.) The subject of a highly controversial bonus with the lead-in "One of these things is not like the others".  This groundbreaking case (Girls v. Boys) established the precedent of allowing disputed bonii to remain in a packet, but placing them at the end where it was likely that no one would read them in competition.

Computer Science (n.) - A major (see also: disease) that, upon having, allows the bearer to answer no toss-ups in that or any other related field.  Those afflicted are normally very touchy about their lack of knowledge, and can often be recognized by their cries of "What?  You expect me to know EVERYTHING about computers?"

Dan - 1. (n.) Dan Jatres, whom we think still isn't back on the team. 2. (v.) - Missing a practice for no apparent reason whatsoever, although never for sex, because people who do this don't get laid.  Ever.  Named for Dan, the final of the original members, who typifies all parts of this definition.  See Also: Jen.

Declining Penis - 1. (n.) The TRASH team name that no one's had the balls to use, which conveniently comes with individual names that virtually write themselves.  Ex. The actual latin declination, "No thanks, I'm trying to quit", "No thanks, I'm full", when Viagra fails . . .

Defenestration of Prague - 1. (n.)  May 23, 1618, when assembled Bohemian nobles took two Imperial governors present at a meeting and threw them out of the window of a castle and into a ditch. 2. (n.) A bitchin' band name.  3. (n.) What everyone on this teams gets off on saying whenever possible.

Design Lab - 1. (n.) A room open 24 hours and located on the second floor of McWilliams, Tulane's theatre building.  2. (n.) Home of the elusive electric pencil sharpener, a ridiculously handy device for a tournament where over 80 pencils have to be provided to participants.  3. (n.) Where Allen discovered the "light" of sharpeners that alert the sharpener to the fact that the newly sharpened pencil is fully sharpened.  Apparently Merrick, NY lacks these, as well as indoor plumbing and running water.

Disease - (n.) Hangover.

"Don't be like Allen" - (phrase) Term warning against the dangers of excessive TV watching to the exclusion of much else, even it does result in crazy TRASH knowledge.

Deuce, The - 1. (n.) The traditionally male second floor of Tulane's Butler House, the freshman Honors dorm.  2. (n.) Breeding ground harvested at least once a year for the dorky, yet lovable, boys who've come to make up a majority of TUCB's male population.  Closely followed by Butler's 6th floor in providing an eager young crop of victims . . . errr . . . members for TUCB.

French, The - (n.) If Jason is to be believed, a population made up entirely of existentialist writers who spend their time in the dark, smoky bars of France. Often the subject of Jason impersonations, which usually involve smoking an invisible "thin, thin, cigarette" and repeatedly muttering the phrase "life is meaningless".

Freshman - 1. (n.) Cute little people to herd, misguide, and corrupt.  2. (v.)  To lead astray.

Grad Student - 1. (n.) One who dodges the traditional workforce in favor of the rigors of even higher education and mounting tuition costs, usually with the intent to either wait out the flagging economy or to make a down payment on an ivory tower all their own.  2. (n.) People who rarely join Tulane's anything, much less the TUCB team.  3. (n.) Token. Ex. J. Brian.

Guv'nuh, The - (pn.) Tommy Thompson.

Happy Hour - 1. (n.) Friday.  All day.  2. (n.) A designated time of day in which you drink all of your reasons for attending school in New Orleans, which are conveniently priced at half off.

Harry Potter - 1. (n.) A young boy wizard, subject of J.K. Rowling's best-selling novels. 2. (n.) The boy Jason and Ryan hate to resemble, and yet manage to look so much like that complete strangers have actually asked for photos as well as halted activities in cafeterias, simply in order to gape.  If TUCB gets additional look-alikes at it's current rate, we'll be able to field an entire Potter academic team in fall 2004.

Jen - 1. (n.) Jen Weaver, whom we think is still on the team.  2. (v.) Missing a practice in order to drink, party, or engage in other types of debauchery.  Named for Jen, TUCB's first VP, who was heard to say, "We can't schedule a meeting then!  It's happy hour!".  See also: Dan.

Kijowski, The - (n.) The act of slapping oneself upside the head for missing an obvious (to you) answer.  Often confused with a pro-wrestling manuver.  See also: "Pitching a Sully"

"Kind of crap." - (adj.) Term used to describe the nature of something moderately sucky, esp. when one was expecting better.  Taken from Engrish.com and usually heard following the phrase "What kind of _____ is this?" Ex.  "Good Lord Jason, what kind of buzzer system is this?" "It's kind of crap."

Mister from Hell, The - (n.) The world's worst shower which, while having enough water pressure to not uselessly drip into the drain, lacked the necessary power to do more than ineffectually mist the user, making rinsing anything nigh on impossible and generally adding to a feeling of uncleanliness.

"Pitching a Sully" - 1. (v.) To throw a fit in practice, usually upon missing an obvious (to you) answer.  J. Ryan Sullivant perfected the technique, which includes jumping from one's seat, kicking about vigorously in a "chorus line meets mosh pit" sort of way, and taking a seat, shaking one's head in anger and dejection.  Perfected when one's face is really red.  See also: The Kijowski.

Pog World Council - 1. (n.) A "club" made up of the cream of the crop pog players of the world. 2. (n.) An elite grouping of foreign dignitaries including Pog Hammarskjold and Boutros-Boutros Slammer. 3. (n.) Almost a TUCB Trash team name at Texas A&M, whose tagline was to have been, "Hello, Kofi. This is the Pog World Council. We have the Doomsday Device." (Update [12/4/03]: This name was finally used at TRASH Regionals 2003)

Question Bank - 1.(n.) Database of packet questions primarily formed to prevent interest in TUCB drinking get-togethers masquerading as packet writing sessions.  2. (n.)  The realm Kendall rules with an Iron Fist (or a kitten with a gun).

Quiz Bowl Realm of Knowledge - (n.) Some unknown quantity of information Jason claims encompasses the majority of toss-up answers.  Dissenting opinions include ones that suggest that all knowledge is or should be within the QBRoK, thereby rendering this term useless or, at the very least, annoying when used as a reason for knowing an answer.

Rock, Paper, Scissors - 1. (n.) A game played by small children and bored grown-ups.  2. (n.) The preferred methodology for picking officers when all else fails.  3. (n.) More efficient than the electoral college.  4. (n.) Hallmark of an impending constitutional revision.

Rocky - (pn.) Tommy Thompson.

Rum - (n.) The libation discriminating QBers prefer when compiling packets.  See also: Tequila, Vodka, Gin, Southern Comfort, et al.

Science - 1. (n.) The theoretical explination of phenomena. 2. (n.) A subject that few TUCBers know anything about, possibly because we have yet to find anyone at Tulane who actually majors in it.

"Shake one's finger back and forth in a manner indicating 'no'" - 1.(v.)  The gesture Dikembe Mutombo does after blocking a shot.  2. (pn.) The best trash team name ever, with the possible exception of Soylent Green Wave.

Sweet Buttermilk of the Gods, The - 1. (n.) A Popeye's biscuit (and they've gone national, so we know you've had one), 2. (pn.) Richie, resplendent in his warm, chewy goodness.

That one kid, with the hat. (n.) - Tommy Thompson.

Tickle me L. Ron Hubbard - 1. (n.) A brilliant, if impaired, before and after conceived by Jason.  2. (n.) The catalyst for the discovery of the true "before and after", which must follow the "shared" format in both written and oral form, and cannot use only a portion of a word as the shared element.

TRASH - 1.(n.)  Something Recall Something Something Happenings 2.(n.) What Allen kicks our ass in.

Trophy - 1. (n.) Item often awarded at the completion of a succesful tournament.  2. (n.) The physical manifestation of the fact that somewhere, somehow, an ass was kicked.  3. (n.) An item that you never give to Jason Horn for safe keeping, if you'd ever like to see it again.

Waffle House - (n.)  A mecca of fine dining that, contrary to popular Long Island sentiment, is not found solely in the South.