Reading Notes
March 25, 1998
Fatima Mernissi
"Husband and Wife"
Mernissi examines the functioning of the confugal unit "the only model of
heterosexual relationships that Muslim Moroccan society offers for its
children" (108).
Marriage as Conflict
There is a list of rights and duties between a husband and wife in the
1957 Moroccan Code on pages 109-110. The "husband owes no moral dities to
his wife" and what the wife "expects to get from her husband are orders,
and what she expects to give is obedience. It is a power relation" (110).
Women can bring suit against their husbands for beating them; however,
"the right to beat his wife is an almost unchecked priviledge of the
husband" (111).
"Imam Ghazali agrees that marriage is equivalent to slavery for the woman
because it places her in a situation in which she 'has to obey him [her
husband] without restrictions, except in cases where what he asks her to
do constitutes a flagrant violation of Allah's orders.' " (112).
Mernissi then discusses why Moroccan society encourages the husband "to
assume the role of master instead of lover" (113). This section is trying
to compare Eastern customs to modern Western society. Mernissi does this
several times in these two chapters.
The Prevention of Intimacy
The sexual act is thought of as dangerous. "During coitus, the male is
actually embracing a woman, symbol of unreason and disorder, anti-divine
force of nature and disciple of the devil" (113).
The Muslim God requires complete devotion from his believers. "He is
especially jealous of anything that might interfere with the believer's
devotion to him. The conjugal unit is a real danger and is consequently
weakened by two legal devices: polygamy and repudiation
Polygamy is a way for men to "make themselves valuable...by creating a
competitive situation between many females" (115). It prevents close
emotional attachment between men and women, thereby, ensuring complete
devotion to the Muslim God. "Polygamy is dying statistically, but its
assumptions are still at work" (116). His many wives are available to the
husband any time he desires them. However, he is expected to adhere to a
rotation system and to not choose favorites. In fact, he is expected to
resist any desire that he has for a particular wife. This obliges "the
male to scatter his emotional attachments...[and] it reinforces the rule
of interchangeability" (117).
Repudiation is also a male priviledge. It allows a man to divorce a wife
by saying "I repudiate thee." A "repudiation pronounced in anger or
dunkenness is not valid," (118) but much confusion surrounds the law
because the man must then perform the legal remarriage.
"The Mother-in-Law"
"In a traditional marriage, the mother-in-law is one of the greatest
obstacles to conjugal intimacy" because of the "close link between mother
and son...His mother is the only woman a man is allowed to love at all" in
Muslim society (121). Mernissi once again takes a WEstern perspective
when she describes how Psychoanalytic theory divides society between two
poles, one that emphasizes the mother-child relationship and one the
marital bond. Muslim societies clearly emphasize the mother-child bond.
I don't see this divide as that sharp in real society. Mernissi then says
that the mother-son bond is strengthened, not weakened, upon the son's
marriage.
The Mother's Decisive Role in the Choice of Her Son's Bride
The mother "initiates the marriage and makes the decisions about the
creation of her son's new family" (122). Officially, this is supposed to
be the father's role. The mother does this because "in Moroccan society
only a woman can see another woman naked and gather information about her
health. This occurs in a hammam (a kind of Turkish bath)" (123).
Both elderly women and young women are viewed as destructive. "The only
difference is that young women are destructive because they are sexually
appealing, old women because they can no longer claim sexual fulfillment"
(125). Mernissi states that all mothers-in-law are perceived as
completely asexual.
The Mother-in-Law as Friend and Teacher
"The mother-in-law and the wife should be considered competitors, but also
collaborators. In Moroccan society the "child-wife leaves her family,
either before or
immediately after menarche to live in her husband's household" (126).
Women share their secrets of "refinement, elegance, and adornment" with
each other because physical beauty is highly valued in this society.
Mernissi's interviews revealed "that pregnancy is experienced as the
submission of the woman's body to strange forces" (128). The first few
years of marriage are a succession of pregnancies to the wife who is often
still a child herself.
The Mother-in Law's Control Over the Household
The wife's subsmission to the mother-in-law is expected. It is usually
expressed in two rituations: the hand kissing ceremony and the wife's duty
to call her mother-in-law Lalla (mistress)" (129). The wife must beg the
mother-in-law for food and "the wife must ask for permission and money to
go to the hammam" (131).
"The competition between mother and wife for the son's favours is clearly
institutionalized by the son's duty to give his mother whatever he gets
for his wife" (131).
The only way to escape living with the extended family is through the
husband receiving a government transfer. "The wife perceives the
government's decision to transfer the husband to another locality as an
opportunity to recover some power over her life and her husband, and the
mother-in-law perceives such a decision as a plot against her" (133).
"The anti-privacy structure of Moroccan society facilitates...the
mother-in-law's intervention in her son's physical intimacy with his
wife." Mernissi declares that "it is the structure that is cruel not the
mother-in-law" (135).
Reading Notes by Janice McCabe