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| Cranial Enlargement | |
 CRANIAL ENLARGEMENT "An Artist in The University Medical Center" Tulane University Press, N.O., La., l989 May H. Lesser An eighteen month-old infant, whose skull can’t grow because it’s fused, is to be operated on. She’s legally blind and unable to feed herself. The neurosurgeon removes the skull plate, while the plastic surgeon chisels bone from the base of the skull to use as struts to enlarge the skull. Pulling his mallet back, he strikes the chisel with it. This gesture makes me aware of how much strength it takes to hit a chisel. Then something inside of me pops and I put down my pen. I stand there, hearing the banging. Afterward I don’t look at these drawings as in my usual custom. Days later I realize why: this procedure has called up five operations I had at the age of four to remove infected mastoid bone from behind each ear. Today a few penicillin shots would cure me. It was the sound of the neurosurgeon’s hammering that dredged up the memory. The operations were clearly imprinted on my mind---although I had mercifully blocked them out---because in those days only a little ether was administered to a child during surgery. With this realization, I’m able to look at my drawings. Usually when a scene is traumatic, I force myself to draw. But these are extremely lyrical, as if I’m not responding emotionally to the drama unfolding before me. How I retreated from it! |